In which things might blow up

[Akili]

you sure you want me to choose? It might end up being something slashy you know

Electrix: *grumbles and takes over* Behold! My new-

Giant spider robot thingy that has tentacles and shoots lightning bolts!!!!

Everyone: ........

Electrix: *shrugs* It works I guess. Now go and destroy the slut!

Spider robot thing: Rrraaarrrrr!!!!!! *goes down the aisle, throwing aside the few people who don't run away from it's mightness*

[Julia456]

JULIA: *blows off dust from the thread* Well, there's nothing else to do around here...

[The giant spider robot thing rampages its way towards Dragonelle. However, it is quickly distracted by the wall filled with flat-screen TVs - all showing the same generic footage of random people snowboarding - and slows to a mesmerized stop. Meanwhile, Woody is musing over furniture.]

WOODY: ...and we'll need furniture for our new love nest! How about this dresser? It's on sale! Does it go with your stuff, snookums?

DRAGONELLE: *eyeroll* Oh sure. Particleboard is the new black.

PSYCHO [bursting in]: MINE MINE MINE MINE!

[He grabs the floor model dresser and races off, trailing toys, posters, and six-packs of socks.]

DRAGONELLE: .......I have got to find new coworkers.

[Meanwhile.]

VITRIOL: I'm gonna go with the lava lamp.

EMPLOYEE: Good choice, mister. You can check out right here -

[A cell phone rings.]

VITRIOL: Oops, that's me. [He answers the phone.] What's up?

DREAD: "What's up?" My car and all of my minions are gone, that's what! Where are you fools?

VITRIOL: Uh... I think it's supposed to be a secret or something.

PSYCHO [running past shrieking]: TO THE GARDENING CENTER!

DREAD: ....was that Psycho?

VITRIOL: Yup.

DREAD: Please tell me you're not at Wal-Mart. You know he gets the Fever.

VITRIOL: Uh, I do now?

DREAD: That's great. That's simply wonderful. Do you know how long it took to get him detoxed the last time?

[Meanwhile, in the Gardening Center.]

BERTO: We need a philodendron for the van.

KAT: Berto, Berto... No one needs a philodendron except for crazy old cat ladies.

[Psycho tears by, dresser still hoisted triumphantly. He's now making a continuous incoherent high-pitched shrieking sound.]

BERTO: Was that -?

KAT: Dude. It's so our day off. Just grab the plant and pretend you didn't see.

[Blackrose715378]

*Max tap dances across screen. Everyone stops to watch, then returns to their business*

[Akili]

Spider Robot: *gets angry at the TV sets when the guy it was cheering for loses and stomps all over them before going on to trash the women's undies section*

Dragonelle: One of us should really stop it or the boss is going to make us pay for damages. *looks at the men, one who is hiding, one who is still finding stuff, and one who's deep in thought about a chair* FINE I'll just do it myself *sways over to the Spider Robot* Heeeey good looking.

[Blackrose715378]

Psycho: *Shoves Dragonelle out of the way* Wait! I saw him first! I'm prettier anyway!
Dragonelle: *Shoves back* no!
Spider robot: *Looks from one to the other, pondering*

[Akili]

Dragonelle: Why do you always get everyone? I'm the one who dresses in skin tight leather, do you think that it's easy to fight in four inch heels, HUH? *bitch slaps*

[Julia456]

WOODY: But you have me, darling sugercakes! I love your four-inch heels and skintight leather!!

DRAGONELLE: Shut up! *bitchslaps*

WOODY: But... but... boo-bear...

DRAGONELLE: I'm only marrying you so I can kill you.

[A moment of silence as Woody processes that.]

[A further moment as he processes that.

[And a further moment.]

[Finally.]

WOODY: Why?

DRAGONELLE: I'm evil. Duh.

WOODY: Well, I guess that makes sense. So... still want the ring?

DRAGONELLE: Yeah, sure, why not.

[Meanwhile, the Psycho vs. Spider Robot face-off continues.]

PSYCHO: Hmm... I see - a price tag!

SPIDER ROBOT: *looks nervous* Bweep?

PSYCHO: Fourteen bucks for a killer spider robot?! This is the best deal ever!!

[Psycho grabs the spider robot and hauls it toward the checkout area. The robot drags its claw-things helplessly along the linoleum floor.]

SPIDER ROBOT: *panicking* Bweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep -!

ELECTRIX: Hang on, baby! Mommy's coming! Mommy just needs to get a new iPod first!

[Meanwhile.]

DREAD: [via cell phone] ...and an area rug for the den. Then I need you to go to Automotive and pick up antifreeze for the Dreadmobile.

VITRIOL: I'm gonna have to get a cart for this, Mr. Dread.

DREAD: Fine, fine. Just do so quickly!

[Blackrose715378]

*cracks up at the dread bit*

Max: *runs alongside Psycho and the robotic spider thingy humming 'here comes the bride'*
Spider: *Looks up at Psycho* bweep?
Psycho: *grabs a veil off a bride costume bedecked mannequin as he passes and plunks it on the spider thingy's head* Happy?
Spider: *considers* bweep. *marches alongside psycho proudly*

[Akili]

Psycho: *happily pulls his carts and the spider towards the only manned cash register, grabbing all the candy bars and trashy magazines as he goes by them*

Cashier: Um, sir? This is the express lane.

[Julia456]

[Psycho turns his arm into a laser and points it at the cashier's head.]

PSYCHO: Now it isn't the express lane. Now it's the Whatever I'm Buying lane.

CASHIER: Yessir.

[Akili]

Cashier: *rings everything up* That'll be $2,000 sir.
Spider: *attempts to sneak away*
Woody: Hey, how are we going to get all of Psycho and Vitriol's stuff in the Dreadmobile?

[Blackrose715378]

Dragonelle: *Runs up to register with vacuum pack baggies* Here! They save up to %60 storage space!!!
Max: *Scoffs* Everyone knows they don't really work
Dragonelle: *Shoves Max in bag, vacuums air out, and puts package neatly in glove box* any questions?
Psycho: *Snatches bag and tosses at clerk*